The limbo game comes to a close. . .

Physically and emotionally draining week.  I said goodbye to most of my family this past weekend.  I said goodbye to Enterprise.  I said goodbye (briefly) to Craig for this week.  In Tuscaloosa, I desperately tried to get everything done that I planned on doing before I left.  I succeeded in finishing about half, despite the rush and long hours.  Today I said goodbye to my office and work.

Last week they replaced the sign out front.  It used to have my full name and "attorney at law" underneath Chris' info.  They replaced my name with the new associate's name.  I am totally fine with that, but it caught me by surprise.  I planned on taking a picture of it :-(

Oh well, life goes on.  Fortunately I took a picture when they put the sign up last year. . . now I just have to find that picture. . . I swear one day I will actually start and complete that scrapbook.  It'll be huge.

My mom is having a rough time right now.  She is getting interferon treatment for her melanoma.  Although they removed the tumor and didn't find any more spots on her organs or lymph nodes, this treatment is supposed to diminish the chances of it returning (since the nodule on her skin was so large it has a high risk of returning).  She is currently staying at the American Cancer Society Hope Lodge, and receiving the interferon medication five days a week.  The side effects are nausea, weakness, flu-like symptoms, depression, fever, etc. etc.  We knew those were side effects, but I guess we didn't expect them to be so severe and sudden.  It isn't normal to see my mom down and out and not trying to make the best of the situation.  I hope these next few weeks go by quickly for her.

And to end on a positive note, one of my cases settled today before I left, I do not have to go to work tomorrow, I see Craig tomorrow, and I can FINALLY start this new phase of life.  Very soon, no more limbo.  Starting to go forwards.

10 days

10 days until I see Craig

11 more days of work

15 days until I am done with work

17 days until I leave for MA

19 days until Craig, Otto, Syra and I are united

20 days until we arrive at our new home.

I am so freakin excited I can't stand it.



I need to find a job.  I need to look for a job. I'm too excited to do that.  Mainly that is an excuse, though.

Labor Day Weekend

Spending the weekend with my family in Murfreesboro, TN.  So far it has been really fun.  Saturday we were lazy, visited Jessica on her last day at Paul Mitchel Cosmetology school, and had dinner at TGIFridays.  Today, I worked out with Jessica with her Jullian Michael's DVD, and the swam with Jennifer.  I am so out of shape.  Jennifer has learned how to swim pretty well (good thing because she is now a lifeguard. . . ).  Then, the family went out to this Vineyard about 20 miles from Murfreesboro.  We had a picnic lunch, played cards, and did a wine tasting.  Everyone had fun.

Now, I am exhausted.  I've spent time in-between activities today searching online for jobs and apartments.  I may have been successful on the apartment front (good thing, because Craig is currently living in a tent).  The job hunt is much more discouraging.

I am glad tomorrow is a holiday.  However, I am so tired and ready to be done with work.  It is an awesome job, but I want to be with Craig in Boston so badly.  I'm ready ready ready.  This long distance deal is hard.

Excerpts from my journal

From 8/08/10

Today while driving from Enterprise to Tuscaloosa, I played the Garden State soundtrack.  I borrowed this CD from Jen.  About the third song in came a song -- In the Waiting Line--.  This song was one of the ones that was on my Switzerland playlist in the summer of 2007.  Jen made me a playlist before I went to Switzerland, and I played it almost daily.  Every day, I took a bus from Bulle to Fribourg and back again.  About one hour on that bus every day.  And at other times I listened to this song while on the quiet, smooth, and efficient Swiss trains.  Going to Vienna, to Zurich, to Cinque Terre, to Munich, to Paris.  I haven't really listened to this song since I returned.  Listening to it brought back all of the feelings of that summer.

When I hear those songs now, a wave of feelings come over me.  I feel overwhelmed.  I feel I should respect them, treat them reverently, as if they changed my life.

Because I know something changed while I was in Switzerland.  I felt happy that summer.  I came out of a depression I didn't even realize I was in.  Those songs bring me back, back to a time I sat for at least an hour each day and was still.  I didn't understand the language around me.  I didn't know where I was.  Although I was with wonderful people, I was a stranger.  I was alone.  But it was a good alone.  I became myself, I found myself.  Again, anew.

I wonder what feelings and memories will surface years from now, when I hear today's songs.

In the Waiting Line

Great News

So my mom had more tests on Thursday morning, and they told us Friday morning that the masses in her liver are not cancerous.  Apparently mom is one of the 5% of females who are born with some sort of benign liver mass (can't remember the proper name, I just focused on the BENIGN part).  So even if the lymph node that was removed turns out to be cancerous, the prognosis for someone with melanoma spread to the lymph nodes is infinitely better than when melanoma has spread to the liver.  And, there is a good chance that it hasn't spread to the lymph nodes, at all.  We'll find that out this week.

Hospital waiting areas are funny places.  There were about 10 people waiting on mom.  My immediate family, my grandparents, some friends of my grandparents who drove them here from Mississippi, and a friend from church who was in the Birmingham area this weekend and stopped by.  We were at the hospital waiting for about 8 hours.  I am not sure if my nerves were just not holding up, or if I was PMSing, but I was getting very annoyed at everyone.  Too much emotions and not enough comfortable seating.  Regardless, a lot of relief on Friday.

I've been in Enterprise this weekend.  I need to do some work, which I am hoping to get done this morning.  I miss Craig a lot!  I didn't think I'd miss him like this.  6 more weeks.  

Instability

After getting rear ended (by a freakin uninsured driver who didn't seem to care) I went to the car rental company to get a car to use while my car was being repaired.  They asked me my name, and I paused.  Legally, I am still a Toomey.  Socially, I am a Greczyn.  Soon, I will legally change my name, but I haven't yet.  I feel very awkward when I pause and think for a bit before I can say my name.  But I don't know what to put!  I kind of stumbled and and went back and forth on it -- Greczyn, umm, I mean, Toomey.  Yeah. 

After I gave the rental car lady my name, she proceeded to ask me my address.  Hmmm.  Another pause.  I no longer live at my old address.  I am living with some friends for a few weeks, but I don't know what their address is.  My parents live across the state, and their address won't really work.  Craig just moved to Boston, and has a mailing address, but I feel like if I give the rental car company an out of state address they will really think something is up.  I start to just make up an address, but then I figure I should just go with what I've been used to -- my old address. 

I think the rental car lady thought I was either slow or on medications.  "Name" and "Address" should not be difficult pieces of information to give to someone. 

My mom is having surgery on her back and lymph nodes on Friday.  She'll have a biopsy soon to find out if the mass in her liver is cancerous or not.  It's been hard to focus at work, with Craig gone, all this with my mom, everything is uncertain and up in the air.  Nothing seems stable. 

Update, Moving & Melanoma & Missing

The moving update will have to happen in an additional post.  I've been staying away from the internet (mostly) these past few weeks trying to get everything ready for the move.  I've heard people say moving is the third most stressful thing in life, behind death and divorce.  I believe it.  Fortunately for us, though, is that we are wanting to move, excited to move, so this event is filled with hope which offsets some of the stress.

We finished packing (two days late), Craig drove the 16' Penske truck up to Boston, had the help of his brother to unload, and is now safely in upstate New York visiting his family.  We have a brand new baby niece that Craig is getting to visit, and I'm jealous I can't be there to see her.  I realized after the wedding, that I am now an Aunt.  Pretty cool.

Got some bad news about my Mom.  She had a lump removed from her back recently, and they biopsied it and found it was melanoma.  She is going in for some tests in Birmingham on Wednesday, and will talk with the doctor on Thursday.  I'm trying not to worry about things too much until she speaks with the doctor on Thursday.  It is very hard to not to think about things.  Another reason why I'm trying to avoid the internet lately.  Webmd and google are not helping.  Jennifer and I are home this weekend trying to clean out Jennifer's old room to make it more guest bedroom friendly.  Mom started telling us about things she wants us to have if something ever happens to her.  I don't want to even think about it. 

I miss Craig.  A lot.