Gluten-free, way to be?

Thanksgiving was wonderful, but somewhere during that weekend I caught a cold/flu.  So that means my time in the lab as a guinea pig for the sleep study is postponed, since I can't enter with a fever.

Yesterday I spent a lot of time googling gluten sensitivity.  I'm fine, but we think Craig may be sensitive or allergic to gluten.  So, here goes a new venture into wheat free cooking.  I'm still going to eat wheat when I'm not with Craig, but going to try out gluten free dinners when we have our meals together.  I didn't realize how many things have gluten in them.  Soy sauce?  Who knew.

So, gluten free means I'm going to try and see if I can use the flour we already have for doggie treats.  I've never made dog treats before, and I don't know why I am intimidated about it, but I am.  My dogs will eat snotty used Kleenex and be happy, why do I fear failing with their treats?

I tried a gluten free peanut butter cookie this afternoon.  FAIL.  Maybe I just have too much of a sweet tooth.  But all natural peanut butter, an egg, some sweetener, and vanilla do not equal deliciousness.  It equals some sort of crumbly blahness.  And I love peanut butter.  Oh well.

Craig returns from DC for a work trip tonight.  Our gluten-free dinner will consist of leftover kale and potato soup with sausage.  It tastes wonderful, and I am excited.  Craig made this soup, though.  I need to get back onto my attempts at cooking.

A new Thanksgiving

Craig and I spent Thanksgiving with his family in Syracuse, and it was beautiful.  I love big groups of people talking all at once over mounds of food.  And, slowly I'm starting to feel more comfortable with speaking in the midst of the big group talking all at once.  Being a quiet extrovert is complicated.

This morning, I woke early due to my strict sleeping schedule thanks to my guinea-pig-ness for the Harvard medical sleep study.  When Craig awoke, the first thing I heard him say as he walked downstairs was "All RIGHT! HECK YES!!!".  I've never heard him so excited.  He picked up this magazine/catalog that his dad had on the coffee table, and keeps showing me pictures of mushrooms he wants to grow.

The rest of today will be full of leftovers, car repair (thanks to Craig's handy mechanic minded brother), family, and, of course, the IRON BOWL.  RTR.

Roll Tide :-)

Tomorrow I'll be watching the LSU game with fellow Alabama football fans at a sports bar in Boston!  

I wonder if it will be anything like my experience watching the Penn State game at a sports bar in Tuscaloosa. . . 

 

Probably unfair to compare.  

Also, we are going to go eat Italian at the North End after the game.  I probably can't compare that to Tuscaloosa's food choices either. . . 

Wok N' Roll!

We have a new biweekly tradition.  

and

I didn't realize how well chinese food and laundry go together.  

Yesterday, we had a whopping ten loads of laundry to do. 

We took up this entire row.  Plus one lonely machine on the opposite wall because we couldn't fit on this entire row.  I blame the move on the large amount of laundry we had.  We washed all our sheets and blankets  we used in the move.  I wonder how long I can use this move thing as an excuse.  (We don't usually have this much trash, we just moved. . . I'm sorry I'm late getting my car inspected, we just moved, etc. etc. etc.)

One good thing about Bubble-It is that the laundry actually gets folded and put away immediately.  Normally, when I do laundry, I let the clean clothes sit in the hamper forever.  Plus, we have a very legitimate excuse to walk next door to Wok N' Roll and eat spring rolls while waiting for the laundry to dry.  

Another potential plus?

Hmmm, I can't figure out how to flip this picture around. . .  Oh well.  

On the Road, getting here.

It has been awhile.  Craig and I are officially Massachusettsians.  I am registered to vote here, I have MA license plates, a MA driver's license, and an Ayer library card.  Doesn't get more official than that :-)

Craig was in Atlanta for a conference the first week of October.  On Wednesday, October 6, I finished work.  I stayed late, finishing things, saying goodbye to my office, etc.

After getting everything finished up there, I packed up my things and said goodbye to Michael, Laura, and Michaelito.

Have I mentioned that the Amsters can cook?  Seriously.  Here is their chicken with tzatziki sauce dish.  yummy.

Thursday morning, I finished packing and drove through Birmingham, saying goodbye to my mom and my sister Jessica.  I arrived as she was finishing her interferon treatment for the day.  It was interesting to see how the process worked.  I am soo glad my mom is now done with this treatment, though.  She experienced practically all of the possible side effects:  nausea, depression, flu-like symptoms.  We didn't expect it to be so intense.

After her treatment, we went to lunch at Panera.  This is when it hit me that I am leaving my family -- it was really hard.

The family, minus brother :-( , taken labor day weekend at the Arrington Vineyards in TN.  

Got on the road, in time to make it to Atlanta to drop off Otto at the vet for boarding overnight.  Then, on to see Craig!

He was at a conference in Atlanta for the VA, and staying at the J.W. Marriott.  It was very nice.  Thursday night, we went out for dinner at a steakhouse type place down the road, and were very surprised/happy to see a family friend at the same restaurant!  (Who happened to be with another VA conference at a different hotel down the road).  

On Friday, while Craig finished the conference, I got my oil changed, did some other errands, and picked up Otto from the vet.  After a quick lunch of Chick-Fil-A (last chance for my only favorite fast food?!) and dessert at Yogurberry. (The Taro root flavor is amazing), we headed out.  

We drove separate cars, because my parents graciously gave us Jessica's old car about a week before we headed up here.  No more loud Mazda for Craig!  (He got pulled over once in MA because they thought he didn't have a muffler and he was violating the noise rules).  Unfortunately, that meant driving separately, though.  Most of the trip was spent listening to some books on CD I checked out from the Tuscaloosa library (note to self -- mail back ASAP).

We stayed the night in Winchester, VA.  Although we didn't realize while booking, I thought it fitting that my last night in the south in the foreseeable future was spent at the Best Western's "Lee-Jackson" Inn.  It was complete with pictures, statues, and all kinds of civil war memorabilia.  

Saturday morning we rose early, ate breakfast at Chick-Fil-A (my actual chance for my favorite fast food), and hit the road.  We made it to Navarino, NY before dark.  

The drive was beautiful.  Pennsylvania was especially nice.  

Once at Craig's part of the country, we had a crazy quick visit with everyone.  

Garrett, Abby, Craig, Morgan, and little Scarlet :-)

The Great Apple Festival.  Beautiful weather, too.

Gorgeous weather.  And leaves.  

Little Scarlet :-)

After lunch, he was being so shy! 

So, after a whirlwind 24+/- visit, Craig and I headed out Sunday afternoon to our new home in Ayer, MA.

And that deserves an entry all to itself :-)

The limbo game comes to a close. . .

Physically and emotionally draining week.  I said goodbye to most of my family this past weekend.  I said goodbye to Enterprise.  I said goodbye (briefly) to Craig for this week.  In Tuscaloosa, I desperately tried to get everything done that I planned on doing before I left.  I succeeded in finishing about half, despite the rush and long hours.  Today I said goodbye to my office and work.

Last week they replaced the sign out front.  It used to have my full name and "attorney at law" underneath Chris' info.  They replaced my name with the new associate's name.  I am totally fine with that, but it caught me by surprise.  I planned on taking a picture of it :-(

Oh well, life goes on.  Fortunately I took a picture when they put the sign up last year. . . now I just have to find that picture. . . I swear one day I will actually start and complete that scrapbook.  It'll be huge.

My mom is having a rough time right now.  She is getting interferon treatment for her melanoma.  Although they removed the tumor and didn't find any more spots on her organs or lymph nodes, this treatment is supposed to diminish the chances of it returning (since the nodule on her skin was so large it has a high risk of returning).  She is currently staying at the American Cancer Society Hope Lodge, and receiving the interferon medication five days a week.  The side effects are nausea, weakness, flu-like symptoms, depression, fever, etc. etc.  We knew those were side effects, but I guess we didn't expect them to be so severe and sudden.  It isn't normal to see my mom down and out and not trying to make the best of the situation.  I hope these next few weeks go by quickly for her.

And to end on a positive note, one of my cases settled today before I left, I do not have to go to work tomorrow, I see Craig tomorrow, and I can FINALLY start this new phase of life.  Very soon, no more limbo.  Starting to go forwards.

10 days

10 days until I see Craig

11 more days of work

15 days until I am done with work

17 days until I leave for MA

19 days until Craig, Otto, Syra and I are united

20 days until we arrive at our new home.

I am so freakin excited I can't stand it.



I need to find a job.  I need to look for a job. I'm too excited to do that.  Mainly that is an excuse, though.

Labor Day Weekend

Spending the weekend with my family in Murfreesboro, TN.  So far it has been really fun.  Saturday we were lazy, visited Jessica on her last day at Paul Mitchel Cosmetology school, and had dinner at TGIFridays.  Today, I worked out with Jessica with her Jullian Michael's DVD, and the swam with Jennifer.  I am so out of shape.  Jennifer has learned how to swim pretty well (good thing because she is now a lifeguard. . . ).  Then, the family went out to this Vineyard about 20 miles from Murfreesboro.  We had a picnic lunch, played cards, and did a wine tasting.  Everyone had fun.

Now, I am exhausted.  I've spent time in-between activities today searching online for jobs and apartments.  I may have been successful on the apartment front (good thing, because Craig is currently living in a tent).  The job hunt is much more discouraging.

I am glad tomorrow is a holiday.  However, I am so tired and ready to be done with work.  It is an awesome job, but I want to be with Craig in Boston so badly.  I'm ready ready ready.  This long distance deal is hard.

Excerpts from my journal

From 8/08/10

Today while driving from Enterprise to Tuscaloosa, I played the Garden State soundtrack.  I borrowed this CD from Jen.  About the third song in came a song -- In the Waiting Line--.  This song was one of the ones that was on my Switzerland playlist in the summer of 2007.  Jen made me a playlist before I went to Switzerland, and I played it almost daily.  Every day, I took a bus from Bulle to Fribourg and back again.  About one hour on that bus every day.  And at other times I listened to this song while on the quiet, smooth, and efficient Swiss trains.  Going to Vienna, to Zurich, to Cinque Terre, to Munich, to Paris.  I haven't really listened to this song since I returned.  Listening to it brought back all of the feelings of that summer.

When I hear those songs now, a wave of feelings come over me.  I feel overwhelmed.  I feel I should respect them, treat them reverently, as if they changed my life.

Because I know something changed while I was in Switzerland.  I felt happy that summer.  I came out of a depression I didn't even realize I was in.  Those songs bring me back, back to a time I sat for at least an hour each day and was still.  I didn't understand the language around me.  I didn't know where I was.  Although I was with wonderful people, I was a stranger.  I was alone.  But it was a good alone.  I became myself, I found myself.  Again, anew.

I wonder what feelings and memories will surface years from now, when I hear today's songs.

In the Waiting Line

Great News

So my mom had more tests on Thursday morning, and they told us Friday morning that the masses in her liver are not cancerous.  Apparently mom is one of the 5% of females who are born with some sort of benign liver mass (can't remember the proper name, I just focused on the BENIGN part).  So even if the lymph node that was removed turns out to be cancerous, the prognosis for someone with melanoma spread to the lymph nodes is infinitely better than when melanoma has spread to the liver.  And, there is a good chance that it hasn't spread to the lymph nodes, at all.  We'll find that out this week.

Hospital waiting areas are funny places.  There were about 10 people waiting on mom.  My immediate family, my grandparents, some friends of my grandparents who drove them here from Mississippi, and a friend from church who was in the Birmingham area this weekend and stopped by.  We were at the hospital waiting for about 8 hours.  I am not sure if my nerves were just not holding up, or if I was PMSing, but I was getting very annoyed at everyone.  Too much emotions and not enough comfortable seating.  Regardless, a lot of relief on Friday.

I've been in Enterprise this weekend.  I need to do some work, which I am hoping to get done this morning.  I miss Craig a lot!  I didn't think I'd miss him like this.  6 more weeks.  

Instability

After getting rear ended (by a freakin uninsured driver who didn't seem to care) I went to the car rental company to get a car to use while my car was being repaired.  They asked me my name, and I paused.  Legally, I am still a Toomey.  Socially, I am a Greczyn.  Soon, I will legally change my name, but I haven't yet.  I feel very awkward when I pause and think for a bit before I can say my name.  But I don't know what to put!  I kind of stumbled and and went back and forth on it -- Greczyn, umm, I mean, Toomey.  Yeah. 

After I gave the rental car lady my name, she proceeded to ask me my address.  Hmmm.  Another pause.  I no longer live at my old address.  I am living with some friends for a few weeks, but I don't know what their address is.  My parents live across the state, and their address won't really work.  Craig just moved to Boston, and has a mailing address, but I feel like if I give the rental car company an out of state address they will really think something is up.  I start to just make up an address, but then I figure I should just go with what I've been used to -- my old address. 

I think the rental car lady thought I was either slow or on medications.  "Name" and "Address" should not be difficult pieces of information to give to someone. 

My mom is having surgery on her back and lymph nodes on Friday.  She'll have a biopsy soon to find out if the mass in her liver is cancerous or not.  It's been hard to focus at work, with Craig gone, all this with my mom, everything is uncertain and up in the air.  Nothing seems stable. 

Update, Moving & Melanoma & Missing

The moving update will have to happen in an additional post.  I've been staying away from the internet (mostly) these past few weeks trying to get everything ready for the move.  I've heard people say moving is the third most stressful thing in life, behind death and divorce.  I believe it.  Fortunately for us, though, is that we are wanting to move, excited to move, so this event is filled with hope which offsets some of the stress.

We finished packing (two days late), Craig drove the 16' Penske truck up to Boston, had the help of his brother to unload, and is now safely in upstate New York visiting his family.  We have a brand new baby niece that Craig is getting to visit, and I'm jealous I can't be there to see her.  I realized after the wedding, that I am now an Aunt.  Pretty cool.

Got some bad news about my Mom.  She had a lump removed from her back recently, and they biopsied it and found it was melanoma.  She is going in for some tests in Birmingham on Wednesday, and will talk with the doctor on Thursday.  I'm trying not to worry about things too much until she speaks with the doctor on Thursday.  It is very hard to not to think about things.  Another reason why I'm trying to avoid the internet lately.  Webmd and google are not helping.  Jennifer and I are home this weekend trying to clean out Jennifer's old room to make it more guest bedroom friendly.  Mom started telling us about things she wants us to have if something ever happens to her.  I don't want to even think about it. 

I miss Craig.  A lot. 

So Sad

We leave this house soon.  After that, we leave Tuscaloosa.  I'm so bummed out!

I will miss our kitchen.  We have this massive window that is above the sink.  It is beautiful.  Before our yard sale, we had several window box plants along the window sill.  Craig grew nasturtiums, edible flowers.  He grew peas and herbs.   

In a way, I'm totally ready to leave.  I'm tired of the old grubby factor of the house.  I'm ready to decorate something that belongs to Craig and I.

But, I will really miss the window in the kitchen.  And I'll really miss living in Tuscaloosa.

Yard Sale Success

The yard sale was a success!

We advertised that our sale would last from Friday -- Saturday, and sold out (practically) by Friday at 11:30 a.m.  We even had three people come by our house on Thursday afternoon and purchase a few things.  I think the success has a large part to do with our location (we are at the corner of a major road), our prices (10 cents, anyone?), and the help of my sister Jennifer.

My sister Jennifer came down Thursday to help us.  We could not have done it without her.  She brought a set of fresh eyes and helped organize things.  Friday morning, we started moving our stuff out around 5:30, and people were at our place around moved our stuff out bright and early, and had people coming up to the sale a good 1.5-2 hours early.  I helped with the sale as long as I could, but had to leave and get to work.  Four hours and about $300.00 later, two boxes of random stuff was left.

It was an interesting experience.  We met some neighbors that we haven't met yet.  Got rid of a lot of stuff, and didn't have to haul it off.   I'm glad we didn't have to hold the sale on Saturday, too, but I hope no one made any changes in their schedule only to find that it was cancelled.

Now to finish packing.  We move in 2 weeks.  Craig leaves for Boston soon after.  I can't wait to join him. I've been doing a lot of job seeking and soul searching.  It seems like I can't do one without the other.

Thoughts

• I am not sure how we will get everything done before the yard sale this Friday and Saturday.  Why are we doing a yard sale, again?  At least Jennifer will be coming down to help us out.  Friday is going to be rough. . . I'll have to work, but get up super early to help set up before work.  And I'm sure we will be up late Thursday getting things ready.  Makes me sleepy.  
• According to different studies, medical errors are the third, fifth, or eight leading cause of death in the United States.  I looked at a few articles earlier about it.  I need some time to process this information.  Some links for more information can be found here, here, or here.  If I wasn't so tired of packing, I'd have more thoughts.  Right now, it is just "wow".
• I think I want to study elder law in more depth.  Reading Medicare regulations makes me happy.  How many people can truthfully say that?  
• My grandma saved every single card she was given.  Which is very sweet.  However, when looking through her stuff, you get to a point where you just don't know what to do with everything that someone you loved considered a treasure.  
• My car had some body work done last September, and they repainted the bumper.  (Someone ran into my car).  The paint has started to bubble up on my bumper.  It is peeling off and icky.  Crap.  
• I'm sleepy.  

Rest and Ramen (but not together)

Last night I rested.  It was wonderful.  Instead of packing/cleaning/organizing, and instead of doing the mountain of dishes in the kitchen, I took a nap.  Then, I made tea.  (I also organized the tea, but I don't count that as work, because I like tea, organizing, and most importantly, it was not on my to do list).  I read, and I talked with a good friend on the phone.  Then I went to sleep relatively early.  It was fantastic!

I've felt 100% better today.  I'm thinking I should rest more often.  I have a lot of leisure time; weekends with family and friends, traveling, doing things, etc.  But not a lot of stillness.

Now, I should finish my leftover ramen and go back to work.  Tonight will be cleaning and organizing some more, but today I am looking forward to it.  (sorta, need to keep up the motivation).

Moving, Stage 1: trash your house and get rid of all your stuff. . .

Right now our house looks horrible.  We have begun the process of organizing/packing/and culling.  As we pull things out of their hiding spots under the bed, in the closet, and take all my crap out of storage, I'm finding that we have much more things than we thought we had.  Things that we never use, do not what to do with, do not have a place for, and don't need.

Moving all our crap makes me jealous of the people who can fit what they have into a car and leave everything else behind.  Craig moved across the country twice.  Once from New York to Oregon, and again from Oregon to Alabama.  Both times he filled up his car with what it could hold and left the rest.  Now, as we prepare for this move, we are worried we will not be able to fit our stuff onto a 22' Penske truck.  Seriously?  That is 1,200 cubic feet of space!  Craig is excited that he is able to bring furniture and other things with him, but I am wanting to get rid of everything but my toothbrush.  

In reality, we need to bring a moving truck.  But I seriously want to work at simplifying our life.  I have never been a fan of minimalist decor, but we have to find some way to have less stuff.  From an environmental standpoint, it makes sense.  Less consumption.  From a sanity standpoint, it also makes sense.  I want to be able to breathe.  Plus, I'm always slightly afraid one day I will end up on the "hoarders, buried alive" show.  It may be an irrational fear, but it could happen.

I am trying to make a goal, that before I make any purchases, I ask myself whether or not this purchase is good for me and will benefit me, and whether or not the purchase will benefit my community.  Hopefully I will become more mindful of what I buy.

Now, on to the packing.  I hope to be able to take a picture of a cleaner living room this afternoon.

Happy Fourth of July! (observed)

I need to dance!

I think confidence really is what gets you to places you want to go.  I want to be good at my job, at my career.  But unless I have the confidence to go forward boldly, I'll second guess every decision and move.  And then I'll just end up going around in circles.

I'm starting to feel more confident, and I'm starting to enjoy what I am doing.  But I still have a lot of doubts and timidity.   No good.

Laura's husband Joey suggested that we try Brazilian Jujitsu to gain confidence.  He said that as your body physically becomes more skilled and strong, and as your mind becomes more able to anticipate your opponent's move, your confidence increases in other areas of your life.

I could try jujitsu.  But, I'm thinking I would rather dance.  I've noticed that when I drive home for lunch in the middle of the day, and blast an upbeat song, my attitude changes.  I wonder if learning the technical side of dance would give the same effect as learning jujitsu.  I feel like I can always learn more law, but it doesn't matter how much I learn -- without confidence I'm nothing.

So, in the words of Josh Turner, "why don't we just dance?"

Weekend

After work on Friday, Craig and I headed to Bonnie's parents' lake cabin. We caravaned to the lake with friends from Tuscaloosa and met up with friends who used to live in Tuscaloosa. Although we were only there about 20 hours, it was fantastic.

Weird to me, that everyone at Bonnie's lived in Tuscaloosa a year ago. In about 3 months, no one will be left. We are all leaving! Some to DC, some to NYC, some already in Birmingham and Montgomery, and Craig and I to Boston. It was good to spend time with everyone, especially since now I am so aware of how little time we have remaining in Alabama.

After eating and playing games, and watching Michaelito try to walk, some of us ended up in the lake at around 1am. It was the latest I've stayed up in awhile. It was perfect. The water was warm -- you could even see the steam rising up from the water and making a mist over the lake. The moon was full, and the clouds in the sky created a mist effect that blended into the mist from the lake. The whole effect was that the lake looked like a scene from Twilight (not that I've seen Twilight, yet. . .) It wasn't scary, though. Just incredibly peaceful.

I wanted to post a video I took of little Michael learning to walk. . . blogger does not seem to be my friend today, though :-( bleh

Change

Transitions. I've breathed this word during the past year. I wrote pages of journal entries figuring, or trying to figure, this all out. What does it mean to transition, to change?

Sometimes I wanted to deny that there would be a change. Craig and I lived together already. We loved each other just as much. I tried to tell myself that the wedding would not change anything. I thought this would comfort me.

But it didn't. Even though my living situation stayed the same, I changed. Even though Craig and I have the same love for each other before the wedding as we do now, we changed.

I don't know why, but it is. My relationship with my parents has changed. They see more more as a unit, with a partner. They were always accommodating to make sure Craig was included, but now, it isn't just Craig with me. It is me and Craig. We went out to dinner with my parents this past Sunday, and it was weird. My mom seemed goofy, more childlike. My dad seemed like he still wanted to be protective but didn't know how. Awkwardness. Unsure of how to talk about things.

I haven't felt the changes much with my friends, but I know we will be seen more as a unit, especially when we move to Boston and make new friends. Us. No longer me and him. Us.

Not to say that I've lost my identity or anything like that. Rather, my identity has changed from a single person to a married person. I am still me. But I am no longer able to identify myself as a single person. I have changed.

This was what I was grappling with this past year, during the engagement. I would feel these emotions of fear and worry about the wedding. I would have this undescribeable fear when I thought about the wedding. A nameless fear. It freaked me out. Brides are not supposed to be afraid of their wedding! I thought something was wrong. I would tell myself, "why are you worried? Marrying Craig won't change anything! It will all be the same." My attempts to rationalize the fear with that self-advice didn't work, because my self-advice was wrong and untrue. Because I did change.

I found a book about transitions, The Conscious Bride, and realized that I was thinking about it all wrong. Everything will change -- my identity will change. Change is wonderful, but change is scary.

When I began to see my fears as a natural part of the changes, I began to be able to work through these issues. I worried about finances. Although financially relatively independent, I knew I could always move home if needed. And while I know that if things get really bad, Craig and I could both move home, the freedom to do so will not be the same, and the ability to do so will not be the same. My biggest worry was that I would lose me. I struggled with the concept of intimacy, and worried I would fail at it. I set up invisible boundaries, and I worried I would hold back, try to maintain my sense of self as I knew myself. But allowing myself to think "this is big, you will change" allows me to be okay with worries with finances, and to share those worries with Craig. Change allows me to seek out a new intimacy as a married person, while my identity as a single person wanted me to hold out and protect myself.

I look the same, and act mostly the same. Things do in many ways seem the same. But everything has changed. Realizing this was one of the most freeing thoughts that I have had lately.

Solstice

Happy Summer Solstice!

Cool fact: My birthday is at the cusp of (or some years the same day as) the summer solstice. Craig's birthday is at the cusp of (or the same day as) the winter solstice.

Fate? I think so ;-)

Though, technically I don't believe in fate. But I do believe in metaphor, and rituals.

Birthday :-)

6/19/2009 -- 6/19/2010:

So much has happened during this past year. Craig gave me a wonderful card on my birthday that made me realize how much has happened.

Studied, studied, studied.

Brought my beloved dog Otto into my life.

Took two bar exams (in the same week).

Passed two bar exams.

Got engaged.

Traveled, last-minute-like, to India.

Had my first broken bone.

Planned. Freaked out. Analyzed.

Got a job as a lawyer.

Esq.

Went to court. And again.

Got married!

Became a wife.

I think year 26 wins the "year of transition and change" award so far.

On to year 27!

The Job

Some days I really love being a lawyer.
I think it has to do with my confidence level.
Some days, I want to crawl under a rock and hide.

I'm starting to feel comfortable with what I am doing.
But soon, I'm going to leave this job, hopefully start a completely new job, and go through the process all over again. I guess that is a part of life.

Craig and I are sitting at my uncle's beautiful house, getting ready to attend a wedding tomorrow. We went to the rehearsal dinner tonight, at an awesome place in the middle of nowhere, Mississippi. The groom's family was from all over -- New Jersey, Ohio, St. Louis. Fun to be around. I like being reminded of cultural differences. Apparently the water glassses are super-sized in Mississippi. And fried catfish is not necessarily considered a delicacy outside the South.

Wonderland day

I felt like today I woke up on the wrong side of the mirror. Surrounded by Mad Hatters and late to everything.

Well, I wasn't really late to everything. But I felt like I was moving slowly, and time was rushing by quickly.

Friday can't come soon enough. . .

One Month

One Month.

A month ago, I woke up oddly calm and ready for the day. The calmness did not come without a nine month history of preparing, journaling, thinking, worrying, and finally, a major freak out the day before leading to my mother taking away my to do list. I spent the morning getting ready, drinking mimosas, and eating brunch at my grandma's house with my sisters and friends.

I met my love at the church I grew up in and we had a meaningful ceremony surrounded with the love of our friends and family.

We walked out of the church, into a borrowed Thunderbird, and felt like we were walking on air. We made our way to a barn and partied with our friends and family.

The whole day felt like a blur, like Craig and I were in our own little bubble. Turns out, we ended up dancing in a sea of bubbles before leaving to start our life together.

Happy One Month, Craig :-)

All pictures taken by Erin Johnson Wingard

I'm sorry

We are so mad at BP, at the Federal Government, at everyone else for causing this horrible disastor in the Gulf. We are quick to find blame with the giant oil corporations, upset that they have distributed 10B+ to its shareholders. We are angry with the federal government for not responding quickly enough, for not regulating enough.

But we as a nation can't escape the blame. We are oil hungry, gas hungry. I can't escape the blame. I am oil hungry, gas hungry. We look for easy fixes and quick answers. We consume and rely on oil -- the same oil that is now polluting our beaches, our playgrounds. We have created a huge demand for this thing. The oil companies are big and monstorous, but we created them. We created them and they took on a life of their own. Now this black gold that we have craved and sought and fought over is coming out at us in thousands of barrels a day. It is uncontrolled -- just like our desire for oil has become uncontrollable.

I'm sorry.

Two weekends ago my parents and Craig and I went fishing in the Panama City Bay area. As our little boat got closer to the opening into the gulf, we saw a couple of dolphins swimming. They were about 15 feet from our boat, and so happy and beautiful. Right now, Panama City Beach is oil free, but I'm worried it won't be long. Oil hit another one of my favorite places, recently, Fort Pickens. Above is a picture of Fort Pickens, taken spring of 2008.

Camping

Random piece of advice, don't go camping in the woods with no running water when you are coming down with a urinary tract infection.

Otto and I did survive, though. He came away with only 2 ticks (one dead and stuck, one alive and crawling). I only had two ticks. (both stuck -- eww). I made Craig drive me back while crying outside the tent only once (Friday night -- when the uti decided to rear its head -- I came back to the woods Saturday). I think the only reason I came back was out of love. It had to be. Though it probably would have been better for both of us (and Otto) had I stayed at home. Tents and ticks are not my thing, I've decided. Roughing it is cool, if there is some sort of grander purpose. Mission trip roughing it because you are doing work for others, cool. Visiting foreign (or not so foreign) places and roughing it because campsites are more budget friendly, cool. Loading up a car with enough water, food, wine, beer, and a blow up air mattress only to drive 40 miles and sleep outside in no air conditioning? No thanks. I like my nature in 3 to 4 hour trips.

Maybe next time, when I'm not sick.

Holidays and oil

Today is the birthday of Jefferson Davis. Well, actually, he was born on June 3rd. To be more precise, today is the observed birthday of Jefferson Davis. A state holiday.

3 of our 13 state holidays (14 if you count Baldwin and Mobile county celebrating Mardi Gras) commemorate the civil war and its heroes.

Robert E. Lee's Birthday, celebrated this year on January 18. Simultaneously celebrated with Martin Luther King Jr.'s Birthday.

Confederate Memorial Day, celebrated April 26, 2010.

Am I the only one who finds this odd?

In other news, my family went out fishing in the Panama City Bay this past weekend. Saw dolphins in the bay, walked along Shell Island, and traveled around the bay and marshy areas. Really hope that beautiful area stays that way.

A recap of 09

Welcoming 2010

Old Crow Medicine Show.

It was wonderful. I left work early on New Year's Eve, picked up Craig, and quickly we went to Nashville.

The four hour drive was quick. I love riding in a car with Craig. Time flies by. We went through chapters 7 and 8 in our "Ten Conversations You Must Have Before You Get Married" book. Those were two of the lamest chapters in my opinion. Labor (division of chores) and Leisure. Leisure is at least fun to talk about. But neither chapter is one bringing out deep or contentious issues.

Anyways, we arrived early for the Old Crow concert, and went ahead on into the Ryman Auditorium. This was my first time going to the Ryman. It was AWESOME. I loved the venue. It used to be an old church, so the acoustics are fantastic. We were worried about our seats. We purchased them late October, and got some of the last seats available. But the side balcony was great -- much closer and much more visibility than I've had in other venues with relatively good seats. After the opener, Old Crow played 3 hours. Wagon Wheel was a great song to welcome 2010 :-)

After the show, we went around downtown Nashville for a bit. Found my sister Jennifer and hung out with her a bit. Craig and I headed back to Murfreesboro and arrived after 3am -- for someone whose preferred bedtime is 9:30, I was surprised I survived!

The next morning, my sister Jessica, Craig, and I headed to my Uncle's lake house on Smith Lake to meet up with the rest of my family. We had "Christmas", ate good food, and relaxed for the rest of the weekend. I feel like this past three day weekend was more of a Christmas vacation than actual Christmas weekend. It was nice :-)